toosigma

I often joke to my gaming group that I’m always the Game Master, and every game where I am not inevitably self-destructs in three sessions or less. For proof, I’m listing all the campaigns I’ve ever played in:

• Cutting Teeth - I’d just gotten the Basic D&D Boxed Set (red box). I’d run a dozen or so adventures for my friends, and finally managed to wheedle one of them (Mike) into running a game for me, one-on-one. The unimaginatively named “BJ the Elf” managed to get through three rooms of the dungeon I designed before Mike grew bored and we shuffled back to his NES. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 45 Minutes
• Dungeon Crawling - After several years of experience, I finally stumbled upon the first player that I hadn’t introduced to the game. I played a cursed copper dragon trapped in the body of human thief. Besides my vivid memories of cowering from an ominous scratching at the door while we trying to rest up and regain hit points, and being turned into jelly by a ten-ton block of stone after a missed remove traps roll (something I only had a 15% chance of succeeding at), there isn’t much to say. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 3 hours
• Jedi vs. Aliens - Senior year of high school, another good friend (Adam) wanted to run a Star Wars D6 adventure. I conned him into letting me run one of my pet NPCs - a relatively capable Force-user who was far more powerful than the other PCs, but I promised to keep my Force powers hidden. We were helping a Star Destroyer defect to the Rebellion, but the Star Destroyer had some unknown encounter before we got there, leading to a Alien (of the Giger variety) infestation. The only reason we survived was by breaking my promise and unleashing Jedi-awesomeness against the Aliens (with strong assistance from the GMPC Star Destroyer Captain) - allowing most of the group to escape with out lives. Barely. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 4 hours
• Temple of Elemental Evil - My roommate and good friend Mark had an opening in his RPG group, as one of the players got clobbered by a Real Life. I took over playing an NPC gnome fighter/rogue named Wonilonn and actually managed multiple sessions for the first time in my player career. Unfortunately for me, the absent player got over his Real Life fixation and returned to the game. I was allowed to continue for another session or two, but my expertly-run flank-happy stabber was significantly better at all things roguish than the other guy’s rogue, and I was soon asked to leave. Total Game Time: 4 Sessions - 20 hours
• Vampires ‘R Us - The returning player from the ToEE felt a little guilty at my dismissal from the group above, and invited me to his nascent Vampire the Masquerade Chronicle. After spending hours detailing the history of my diablerist Assamite assassin turned Camarilla spy, I made it through a single session where absolutely nothing at all interesting happened. Despite having four players, none of us had any interaction except with the DM, so it was basically four concurrent one-on-one sessions. Thinking perhaps my character design was at fault, I volunteered to create a new character for the next session, a bat-shit crazy Malkavian with severe Multiple Personality Disorder - with the GM controlling which of the 6 distinct personalities was in control at any time. Unfortunately, the second session was likewise without any redeeming value, and I politely asked not to be invited back. Total Game Time: 2 Sessions - 8 hours (or 2 hours, if you count the time I actually got to do something)
• God-slaying for Goodness! - After moving to Denver, I managed to get recruited into a long-running campaign that had reached nearly epic levels. Not wanting to disrupt the group dynamic, I asked the DM (Ben) for any suggestions on character concepts, giving him a list of a dozen or so candidates I could try. The response was an incredibly generous “play whatever you want, oh, and triple the standard gp value for equipment.” After putting my eyes back in my head, I built a wind-walking cleric of Shaundakul (Forgotten Realms), and showed up eager to play. I’m not certain, but I think I seriously short-circuited the adventure, early on with a convenient teleport (possibly bypassing days-weeks of travel), and at the climax when I managed to one-shot disintegrate a crucial enemy who was shielding the Unholy Ritual to Destroy the World. The adventure ended happily, but so did the campaign. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 5 hours
• Jedi Futurama - Fortunately, despite the ending of the previous campaign, Ben chose to start up a new Star Wars campaign, set many years after the movie trilogy and any novel. Kell Vaska, a fringer-turned-Jedi adept in technology, telekinesis, and healing, managed to set a new personal record for sessions completed. Total Game Time: 8 Sessions - 40+ hours
• Shadowrun Fiasco - An online ad led to a (very) brief stint as Bryce Fairfax in a typically dystopian Shadowrun campaign. On the plus side, the GM was the first to use video in a session, a technique I’ve been trying to adopt. On the down side, the game was heavily biased towards combat - the ganger troll had about 3 hours of spotlight time fighting per session, while my medic/technician earned about 15 seconds of spotlight time reducing (but not eliminating) injuries sustained. I sent what I thought was a polite and constructive critique to the GM, but the game disintegrated soon thereafter (or I just stopped being invited). Total Game Time: 2 Sessions - 5 hours
• Star Wars One Shot - During a lull in my Convergent Threads campaign, Ben volunteered to run a couple adventures. My spec-ops infiltrator, Aren, managed to kill a robotic super-villain and steal some ultra-top-secret plans before being forced into some sort of witness protection protections program. To be fair, though, this one died mostly because everyone (myself included) wanted to get back to my campaign. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 5 hours
• Shortest Campaign Ever - After the conclusion of my year-long Convergent Threads campaign, Ben offered to take up the GM reins again, this time with the old Palladium Heroes Unlimited setting. I remember scraping my jaw off the floor when he told us the power levels - 3 major powers, or 2 major and 5 minor powers. I built the redoubtable Maxwell Olsen tightly bonded with Phil’s Melissa Jamison. Given the effort invested and interplay between the characters, I had the highest hopes for the campaign. Sadly, it ended a mere hour after it began - our power levels were so high that Ben simply couldn’t really challenge us. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 1 hour
• Age of Worms - Another online recruitment gave me a hour commute to northern Denver for Matt’s game. After having my first seven (yes, seven) character concepts rejected, I rolled up Garik Soulforge. The group met exactly twice, and we made it all the way through the first chapter of the campaign. Personality disputes with one player led to the dissolution and reformation of the group (a passive-aggressive tactic I didn’t much care for), but we were supposed to pick up with new sessions soon thereafter. Soon quickly became never. Total Game Time: 2 Sessions - 9 hours
• St. Albert’s Bay - My then-girlfriend (and long-time player) Julia decided to try running a game. The charming cassanova warlock Nalyx Ahriven paired up with a sole companion for several adventures in some post-apocalyptic hijinks worthy of John Carpenter’s Day of the Dead George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead. We made 4 whole sessions - which I still contend was done just to ruin my long-held claim of 3 sessions and out. Total Game Time: 4 Sessions - 14 hours
• Star Wars Saga - I convinced one of my long-time players to try running a Star Wars Saga game. We made it through the prelude, and were eagerly anticipating the first real adventure. Unfortunately for the campaign, but fortunately for the GM, he found a new love interest - game over. Total Game Time: 1 Session - 3 hours
• Average Total Game Time: 2.2 Sessions - 8.7 hours.

Given that I am the only constant variable in all these equations, I must assume that I am somehow the cause of all this misfortune. Possible explanations include:

1. I’m just really unlucky when it comes to gaming
2. I’m such an awesome GM that everyone else fears the unfavorable comparison. </sarcasm>
3. I’m such a terrible player that no one can stand me in the group.
4. I’m too willing to GM to get my gaming fix. By the time anyone else works up the desire, I’m already running a game.
5. I just haven’t found the right group yet.

I’m hoping it’s #5.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 9:29 am and is filed under general. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.