Analogy for why I don’t like Apple
October 23rd, 2011I’ve tried many times and many different ways to explain my mild antipathy for Apple software and products - but I think I’ve finally come up with an analogy that accurately illustrates my complaints.
Imagine that you’re a boss trying to hire someone to fill a particular job description. You end up with three applicants:
- Candidate #1 (Apple): This guy can only do 80% of the stuff on the job description - but he does that 80% extremely well - as in better than anyone you’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, the other 20% of the job description he refuses to even attempt. He has excellent customer service skills - but for some unfathomable reason he adamantly refuses to work with anyone else. On top of all this, he demands a salary 20% higher than anyone else applying.
- Candidate #2 (Microsoft): This guy does everything on the job description, does most of it pretty well (occasionally better than anyone else), but sometimes the quality of his work is a little sub-par or disappointing. His customer service skills aren’t great, but they aren’t that bad either - and he’ll usually work with anyone you ask him too (except sometimes Candidate #3, cause they have a bad history). He’ll work at a nominal salary.
- Candidate #3 (Linux): This guy not only does everything on the job description - he’ll do pretty much anything you ask him to do. It may take a while, and it may not be pretty - but it’ll usually happen. He does the base 80% almost as well as Candidates #1 and #2 (and sometimes better), but he does the remaining 20% better than anyone. His customer service skills are a little rusty - but as long as you ask him nicely, he’ll get the job done. He has no qualms working with anyone - in fact he’s pretty eager to work with anyone who makes even the slightest effort to work with him. Finally, he’s willing to work for pizza and beer.
I tend to strive to be more like the Candidate #3 - the jack-of-all-trades: be good at everything, but not necessarily the best at anything. That may also be why Linux seem to go well together. Apple definitely has some great products (I have an iPod Touch and a MacMini) - but anytime you try to cross into territory that Apple hasn’t already stamped with their seal of approval, heaven help you. For a short list of recent and ongoing complaints:
- iPod/iPhone syncing - you may get it to work without iTunes, but you’re going to have to sacrifice a fair amount of functionality to do so.
- iPod playlists on the fly - for years this was a standard option on EVERY MP3 player EXCEPT the iPod. It only took them ~7 years to implement it?
- iTunes stability - on anything but Mac OS, I have the craziest stability problems - typically requiring full OS reinstalls every few months, even when the ONLY application I run regularly is iTunes. I can understand stability issues with iTunes through Wine (on Linux) - but iTunes for Windows (on standalone PC or a virtual machine) is a standard commercial product, and is just as bad
- iTunes Library Sharing - works great if you’re sharing with another Apple device. Everything else is verboten - completely impossible.
- iTunes Statistics sharing - since we can’t get library sharing to work, I’ve tried getting the library to sync with other services/software. Syncing from iTunes isn’t much of a problem - but does require a manual library export (or a service that does it for you). But trying to sync data to iTuns - it’s possible, but it requires a 4+ hour rebuild of the iTunes library every time you make the slightest update to the iTunes data - during which your library is completely inaccessible.
- iTunes SmartPlaylists - being a bit of a boolean freak (years in CompSci will do that), I love to be able to build complicated and specific playlists to suit my needs. Unfortunately, Apple has decided that you can only use “AND” or “OR” if you use them one at a time. I’m sure it was a design decision to make the interface simpler for “normal” users - but it means I’m stuck having 70+ playlists to build the three or four playlists I actually use regularly.
- iTunes Remote Control - Since I can’t install iTunes on Linux OR sync libraries OR sync statistics OR sync my iPod to my Linux software without screwing up my listening data, I’ve tried getting some sort of remote control software so I can just play music through the MacMini hooked to the stereo while I’m at my computer. Again, if you have an Apple device (the iTouch) - this is easy. Unfortunately, battery life being what it is, the iTouch doesn’t make the world’s best remote - works great for a few hours, but then you have to recharge and live without for 30+ mins. Plus - the Apple Remote App has some of the worst connection times I’ve ever seen - over a pure WiFi link, it shouldn’t take more than a second to sync up, but it usually takes 3-10 seconds to connect, and the seems to be getting worse over time. (Compared to HippoRemote - my other remote software - which connects in less than .5 seconds, and is improving all the time)
- iTunes Remote Control Software - Since the iTouch is sub-optimal, I thought maybe I could find some means of controlling iTunes on the Mac from Linux. No such software exists, because Apple doesn’t want anyone controlling iTunes (unless you’re using Apple software)
- Apple Screen Sharing - So the iTouch is sub-optimal, and iTunes remote control software doesn’t exist - maybe I can try using VNC - the venerable screen-sharing protocol (that took Apple ~15 years to include at all). Unfortunately, Apple’s implementation of VNC is so horrendously broken such that it only works with specially tuned VNC clients - which means basically every non-Apple software.
- Apple Software Update - For whatever reason, Apple seems to be years behind the times in terms of software updates. Linux updates work beautifully and almost never require a reboot (unless you’ve got a kernel update). Windows software updates (finally, with Vista+) have achieved a measure of parity - rarely requiring a reboot - but they pawn all external software updates off on the individual programs (or the user). Apple Software Update seems to require a reboot no matter you’re installing. It also has an annoying tendency to activate from multiple sources (iTunes asks to update, and Software Update asks you to update iTunes) which seem to stumble all over each other (requiring additional time, energy, and reboots) to finally straighten out. Finally, updates almost always have to happen in the foreground - you can’t download updates in the background, it seems to discard any updates that are downloaded but not installed immediately, and anytime it’s doing an install, you have to exit out of the operating system entirely. I realize it’s easier and probably more secure to install updates in the foreground - but this is 2011, and when everyone else does it seamlessly, and you’re the company touts it’s “most advanced” status…
All this may just be a testament to how impressive the iPod is as an MP3 player - that I’m still willing to put up with all this crap. On the other hand - if Apple ever loses it’s strangle-hold on the marketplace, and then they’ll be in real trouble.